Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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