all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
