its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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