My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
