We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
