The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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