The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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