I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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