dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
