It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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