You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
