I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
