my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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