i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
