is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
