Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
