when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
