you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
