You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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