Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
