No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
