I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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