Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
