I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
