her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This house was built for laser tag.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
