no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
