Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
