I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
