don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
