I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
