please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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