He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
barbara walters just said penis...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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