Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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