dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
not ubering you a puppy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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