Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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