I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A+ Viking dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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