Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
