$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
