some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
