bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
