my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
