I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
