apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
