halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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