like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
