Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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