I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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