I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
