I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
