help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
